Running after you
Along the crowded street,
In the winter frost,
In the summer heat.

With my head in the clouds,
And the wind on my back,
Am I singing aloud,
Or just humming to myself?

Hey, love, you are beautiful,
Beautiful love,
My love, you are beautiful,
Beautiful…

Started writing it just now but got stuck. It’s about half-done, I think. Haven’t decided on the title yet, either.

I wish I were rich and could pay for love,
But we, the poor people, have another wealth,
Or so I was told when I chased the stars
And ended up believing I could live alone.

I wish I were tall as the mountains, or
As tiny as the smallest drops of dew,
And lay in hiding till the day woke up.
But here I am singing something close to a song.

Far away,
Where even the night can’t find me
I rain away,
Like the mist, like the wind, like the dawn
I disappear.

If only I could sing and play guitar,
I’d travel the whole world telling people to
Get rid of their homes and fly like birds;
In other words, something that I’d never do.

But I’m no prophet and no preacher, too,
My head and feet are bare and so is my heart.
When freedom was cheap, I sold mine for a song,
But echoing in my ears are regrets of the past.

Stihi.ru
Samizdat

1. [Rus] Мега (Mega)
This has been my ‘secret project’ for 6 years – I believe it’s the first time I’m speaking about it. It has about 14 pages written, and even though I don’t remember when last I read it I believe I’ll have to re-write most of it. It’s a series of stories (4 or 5 stories, as I see it) set on an artificial planet Mega; it also has androids. And, hmm, I was thinking of making it really flashy, and, you know, FABULOUS, because even though I want to use a sci-fi setting, I want to concentrate on interaction between humans and robots. I have storylines for the first two stories (the first story is in fact written down and completed, but I don’t really like the choice of words – it’s a first-person narration from the prospective of the main male character), but I don’t have the slightest idea what to write then. I wanted to make it both futuristic and sentimental, and probably nostalgic – my ideal is to give the whole thing the feeling of the ’70s, you know, the disco era. But that in itself requires major research, so that’s the main obstacle on my way to completing this project and living happily ever after with it. So, I guess it’s more like something I want to write one day, but not right now. Anyway, it’s the only one of my old projects I want to continue eventually.

2. [Rus] 4
Dates back to 2007. In fact, this is my fave one, but I couldn’t complete it due to its pretty depressing contents, or so I think. It’s a dystopia set in a fictional City, it has 2 male and 2 female main characters, each of them taking the leading role in each of the 4 parts of the story (hence the title). But the main peculiarity, as well as the main difficulty, is that I plan to write it employing only 4 colours – black, gray, white and red. It also has monsters of dubious origin, genetic experiments, visual drugs and a religious cult, because I’ve always been interested in religion. I have the short prologue written down, and I even have ideas for the epilogue, and also the plot outline for every part, but I want to make the story more complicated, so maybe I should make a more detailed plan. Anyway, as I’ve said, the whole thing is really depressing, so I want to make the characters appealing. I believe, if I manage to do something about the storyline, this project will be the first one completed. I also based the main female character for the ‘Red’ part on myself, so I really like her xD There’s also a possibility of writing a sequel, though it’s a really, really vague possibility.

3. [Rus] Мириагон (Myriagon)
This must be my biggest failure so far, because when I started writing it in 2008 I believed it would be finished in no time. It was supposed to be a series of 8 novels sharing the two main characters. I wanted to go with ‘supernatural romance novel’, but it didn’t work. I believe I accidentally made the story too complicated, and so I ended up losing control over it. My main mistake was that I didn’t decide on what I want to put into it, so it turned out half-baked. I do have ~7 chapters written down, but frankly speaking it only had a more or less decent first chapter and some really good details – that’s pretty much the only things I want to keep; aside from that I have notes I wrote for myself. I also think I’ve finally decided on the main characters – all I can say that’s it’s a story about a young girl meeting a mysterious man (he runs some kind of an odd jobs agency, only dealing with supernatural stuff, and she becomes his assistant). I want to invent something really unique for this project, so I guess it’ll take a lot of time in the end, because it’s basically making the whole universe from scratch. Anyway, now I feel more confident about writing it, and I hope I won’t lose motivation again. Ah, yes. Its main attraction was parallel words. And I still haven’t given up on putting in as much romantic stuff as possible, since it’s written from the girl’s prospective anyway (but still it’s a third-person narration).

4. [Rus] Untitled 1
This is my newest idea, I came up with it just several days ago, but in a sense it’s really similar to the previous one. It’s a story about a young man who becomes the secretary for a mysterious female writer; it’s a first-person narration, and I want to make it somewhat humourous. It will deal with books of all sorts, but I guess it’s also a supernatural story. The female lead will change her appearance and personality from story to story (because I want to make it a series); I’ve also thought up a way of connecting the stories. So far I could think about only 2 ideas for fictional books – the diary of a man who stopped eating for the sake of it, and a book with pages of different colours. No, I’m not writing stuff about grimoires or the like. I just thought it would be nice to write smth like that, but I don’t have anything planned.

5. [Rus] Клара (Clara)
It’s also a new project, the one you’d label ‘slice-of-life meets drama’. It’s about a woman in her early thirties (most likely a writer or maybe a journalist, because I want to base her on myself) who adopts the 14-year-old daughter of her late female friend. I can also say that it will have the overall tragic feeling to it, and that it involves same-sex relationship (but no lesbian sex, mind you). The idea stems from my own desire to adopt a child one day; the only thing I’m not sure about is if I’ll be able to pull off something that serious. But I guess I should just try. I wrote a couple of lines, but I still can’t decide if I should make it a first-person narration. Also, I don’t have the whole storyline planned yet, though I’ve thought a couple of scenes I’d like to include.

6. [Rus] Untitled 2
This project doesn’t have the title or any kind of the outline, so I can only say that it deals with three people (2 females, one male) living in the same apartment and having a relationship more complicated than your average friendship or love. This one will probably have hot lesbian sex xD I want to start this story is smth light-hearted, cheerful and bright, but gradually change the mood. Well, I guess this is also something I should leave for the distant future.

That’s all for now; oh man, I feel so stupid and embarrassed for writing this post at all.

1. [Rus] Проволока (Wire)
I don’t really know what to say about this one, I’ve had this title for 3 years already (since 2008) and haven’t written a single line. I just wanted to write a dark dystopian story with this kind of title. It should be something really depressing and filled with despair, but I don’t have a single idea for the plot, so I may give it up in the end.

2. [Rus] …смеётся (…laughs)
It’s a fairy-tale of some sort, well, at least it’s supposed to have that kind of setting. It’s a simple story with a prince searching for his princess. When the prince was still a child, he learnt from a prophecy that he’d recognize his destined one by her laughter. So he sets out on a journey, but ends up finding her in an unexpected place xD So it’s supposed to be a silly romantic story, but recently I feel like I want to add smth else, because the idea as it is now seems boring. I mean, I came up with it in 2005 when I was 17 and really into fairy tales, and I just wanted to make a bunch of them xD

3. [Rus] Untitled short story-1
This one is also a fairy tale, also has been with me for some 6-7 years, so I no longer know if I want to write it at all, but, somehow, writing it feels better than giving up xD It’s a story about a cursed queen (yeah, I’d like some kind of a mature woman, not just your average teenage princess), and, what else can I say about it? Hmm, it’s supposed to have a dark, somewhat gothic atmosphere. And the whole thing about lifting the curse with the power of love – I want to present it in an unexpected light. And I want black roses with poisonous thorns and stuff like that. And femdom, though you aren’t supposed to stuff such things into fairy-tales, so I guess it should be something purely on psychological level.

4. [Rus] Только раз в году (Only once a year)
Frankly speaking, the idea for this one seems really weak to me, so I don’t know if I should write it at all. It deals with a mysterious shop that only opens once a year on a random day, and there’s no way to know for sure when. But it’s said that they sell some magical things or smth (it’s also a very old idea, so I myself don’t remember all details I wanted to put in it). So it’s supposed to be a cute heartwarming story about a little boy who’s looking for a birthday present for his mother, and you can pretty much guess the rest, and that’s why I think the idea is weak. One more thing, I don’t know what kind of idea I want to put behind this setting. So this story will be written only if I come up with something amazing. Also, I’m not very good with heartwarming stuff, so I’m afraid the result may seem cheap.

5. [Eng] Virus in our town
This is a relatively new story, just some 2 years old as of now. Back then one of my friends said to me, ‘Hey, why don’t you write a story about vampires?’ and I said, ‘Sure thing’ but obviously I didn’t know what and how to write this stuff. I mean, because of all that hype over Twilight, vampires now lack originality like never before. Besides, it’s really hard to come up with smth genuinely new and original, since there are zillions of vampire stories out there. Nevertheless, I decided that I should try writing smth involving vampires. It was supposed to be a bilingual story about a certain town where one day three beasts appear. I planned to write that storyline part in Russian, and insert bits from a certain fictional book called ‘The Everything’ written in English. But I encountered two main problems – I couldn’t come up with good characters and I couldn’t come up with a solid story for the town part. Though I managed to write 3 insertions:

You, who entwines Dusk, shall take the Blood.
You, who embraces Midnight, shall take the Flesh.
You, who envelops Dawn, shall take the Soul.
Thus the Three of You shall atone for your Sin.
(The Everything, book MMDLVI, chapter 133)

When She became the supreme goddess, the world was at its zenith. Adored by everyone, She ruled for innumerable millennia, unchanging and unwavering, yet fragile and beautiful. She was the Law, She was the Power, the ultimate irreproachable symbol of everything ever existing. Her title was ‘the Everything’.
(The Everything, book MLXXXIII, chapter 569)

When the darkness lifted, the three of them realized what they had done. They could never return to their peaceful existence among other beings of light. And She said, they would rot endlessly, until the Decay itself would lose its meaning. And so they wandered across the Eternity, accompanied by unbearable pain, deprived of names and forbidden to seek salvation. Her words were absolute.
(The Everything, book MMCCCXXIII, chapter 282)

I kind of get a vague feeling how this story should be, and I want to write it fully in English, since I want to make it really dark, obscure and still poetic (even though my lack of vocabulary and numerous grammar crimes do worry me). Though the idea lacks conflict, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I’m determined to finish it one day. Oh, and one more thing – I want to start it with the phrase “Come a little bit closer”, because at a certain point in the past I really liked the song ‘Copycat’ by Lacrimosa, and I just can’t get this idea out of my head anymore.

6. [Rus] Бесконечное лето (Endless summer)
This is my newest short story I’m currently working on; so far I have about 3 pages written, but I don’t really know how many more I want to write – I’d prefer if this story wrote itself. It’s a romantic story with a touch of supernatural, or maybe a supernatural story with a touch of romance. Anyway, it has a very peculiar kind of love xD It’s a story about a little boy who spends his summer holidays in the countryside with his grandparents. One day he meets a mysterious girl, and even though they don’t get along at first she catches his attention. It’s also a first-person narration. I know how I want to end this story, and I really like the way I started it, and I’ve thought up an unexpected plot twist, but I want to take my time and write a good middle part. I also have some difficulties with logic (well, in fact it’s my main problem), and I don’t want my story to have inconsistencies, so I really should think over the plotline.
It does have a connection with my poem of the same name (Endless Summer).

That’s all for now, I guess. I discarded some ideas while I was sorting out this stuff – I just absolutely don’t want to write some stories. Well, I can’t guarantee I’ll write everything I’ve mentioned above, or that they’ll be any good. I can come up with a really powerful image that will have an impact, but I’m not good with sequences of events – I don’t know (yet) how to make this stuff interesting.

Зачем желаешь ты его,
Когда молю я сердцем чёрным,
Чтоб не осталось никого
Под этим небом сине-сонном,

Кто мог бы так тебя любить,
Как я люблю; и до рассвета
Слепую ночь с тобой делить
Лучами призрачного света.

Его ты видишь – не меня.
О нём – не обо мне – мечтаешь.
Моей не станет боль твоя,
Но я люблю, ведь ты же знаешь.

И пусть любовь моя – вода,
Тебя я буду ждать всегда.

Стихи.ру
Самиздат

Take my hand; I’ll hold the lantern.
Slowly, slowly, step by step,
Let’s escape.

…

Don’t know where this path is leading,
Seems like exit is forbidden.
…

This little one doesn’t have a title yet, but it’s my personal fave. I really look forward to completing it xD I have a couple of ideas, but I’m not sure whether to go with 3 or 4 lines per strophe. This is supposed to be a dark & mysterious poem, or if I may say so, enchanting. Yes, that’s the air I want it to have.

Who said that the moonlight is cold?
It’s no colder than your embrace.
…

Don’t say that our music is dead,
It’s not dead; it’s just mute
And sleeping.
…

It’s also a short draft, it was written before Melotheka, but while Melotheka is meant to be a mix of black with other colours, Mute Music is just pitch black. But I guess they share the atmosphere.
The first strophe needs 2 more lines, the second – 2 or 3 more lines, I’m not sure yet; obviously, two more strophes after that.

Coloured gems in a pool of black blood,
Coloured lips on my skin,
Coloured dreams sleep within.

That’s a sweet bitter pill that we take,
But one day I will break,
Crush the moon for my sake.
…

Basically only the middle part is done. I think it’s the first one to be actually finished, but who knows.
I think about going with the following line for the beginning, but I’m not sure, because I don’t like it that much:
Far away, there’s a deserted place
and I want the beginning to have more impact,
and I need to think of a linking strophe that comes after that.
Btw, ‘coloured gems in the pool of black blood’ is probably a metaphor for starry sky. Naturally, I wasn’t thinking about that when I was writing it.
The word ‘Melotheka’ doesn’t exist. I just wanted this sound combination in the title; the poem itself is supposed to be dark, sad and beautiful. I’d like to use tune/melody/sound in the first strophe that I’m yet to write.

Good guys won’t show you around;
They recheck every sound
At the edge of the crowd.

Good guys won’t show you the bliss,
All the fun that you’d miss
At the end of a kiss.

We are going all out,
We are going inside your mind.
…

I personally hate lines 2&3 but had to leave them for now because I like the rhyme; I guess I’m rewriting them as soon as I come with a better idea. And there’ll definitely be a continuation. I have an idea or two, but can’t put them into right words yet. I like its melody.
It’s a draft of drafts, because I just wanted to write smth like that but I’m not sure how I want to handle it. I want to make it playful.

A bit of inspiration,
That doesn’t turn into despair;
A fate’s miscalculation,
Or was it in the air?

And every time I see you sad,
I lose my colours for a while,
That’s not enough to make me mad,
But is enough to make you smile.

Take your guitar and play for me.
I know the sun is setting.
We’ll be alright as we’re free
From greetings and from parting words,
From daring glances, humble nods,
And I just want to touch the sky,
To hold your hand, to let you fly.

This mask of desperation,
This flame of passion it conceals;
A look of admiration,
But not a secret it reveals.

Take your guitar and sing for me,
You see the sun is setting?
I’ve always thought that we are free
From feelings, self-inflicted wounds
…

3 more lines and it’d be complete, but probably I’ll have to re-work the last line, and maybe it’ll eventually go up under a different title. Well, some lines seem too simple to me, so maybe I’ll re-write them as well, but that depends on how I finish the poem, if I do it at all.

Well, that was a pretty brief introduction, so I’d like to dwell on certain ideas xD

First of all, this blog has been around for nearly 4 years, but the reason why I’m writing the introduction only now is that my relationship with writing (and blogging) has been really complicated for the past 10 years. It’s a long and sad story of failed attempts, running out of ideas, losing motivation, abandoning works and so on. I desperately tried to quit writing altogether several times and even managed to go without it for some time, but after all I need it.

I can’t assure you that everything I’ll be posting here is worth your attention; I can’t guarantee any project mentioned here will ever be finished, but I still want to try.

I’m graduating the university in June 2012, I specialize in English/Russian translation. My native language is Russian, so obviously some works posted here will be written in Russian, however when it comes to blogging, tweeting and other stuff of that kind it’s easier for me to write in English. So I guess somehow or either this blog will end up being bilingual.

I have no particular hobbies, or anything I can be really proud of; I’m an avid anime watcher and manga reader, so my other blog is dedicated to short reviews of anime and manga series I follow.

I don’t know if I want to add anything else here, so let’s leave this post as is for the time being.